So there is this movie out now… Something about snakes on a plane or something stupid like that. ha. It seems that a bunch fat cat executives and their slave-type man-boy assistants tried to write a movie as part of their mid-life crisis.
I seem to have found this dialogue from their first meeting:
INT. FANCY BOARD ROOM – MID AFTERNOON
A fancy executive type board room full of fat cat executives and their slave-type man-boy assistants. WALTER struts into the full board room cackling at something on his cell phone, followed by TIMMY, a spineless errand boy with his arms full of books and papers.
Sorry I’m late gentlemen, I was… stuck in traffic if you know what I mean. (cackles aloud, alone)
So I have all this money, damit, lets make movie… A scary, scary movie… one that people will be scared of… really scared of. (cackles aloud, alone, again)
Timmy, what are people scared of?
(more impatient, yelling)
ROGER, a fat cat from Texas on the other end of the long table speaks out.
Snakes, I hate snakes. Crazy little critters, yeee hawwww.
YES, snakes! Snakes are good.
SIMON, ROGERS slave-type man-boy assistant, whispers to ROGER.
(disgusted and ashamed)
Flying? Boy, you’re scared of flyin’?
ROGER, about to go off on SIMON is interrupted by WALTER.
That’s it! We’ll make a movie about snakes on a plane?
But, what is it going to be about boss? What would it be called? How would snakes get on a plane?
You idiot, it’s about snakes on a plane, snakes on a plane, and who cares how they got there.
Anyways, thats how that script I, erm, found said it initially went down. I believe it. Then I’m told they found some out-of-work writer, who happened to be addicted to meth, to actually write the movie.
Then when they actually showed the script to someone who knew what they were talking about, sh@t hit the fan as described in the other dialogue I, erm, found.
EXT. PATIO IN AN UPSCALE CAFE
Fat cat WALTER waits in anticipation as JEAN-PIERE a French artisan-type movie director dressed in black reads in horror the script which he must now direct because of a lost bet about loafer lightener.
Vat is dis? You caunt be serious?
(completely not getting that JEAN-PIERE is repulsed)
Isn’t it great! Lets get started.
A single tear runs down JEAN-PIERES face.
Dis will ruin me? De only thang that would make this acceptable…
(his face lights up)
WALTER waits eye-wide in anticipation.
A single good actor… no critic previews… advertising which vill cost more dan de movie… and most importantly… release it ven there is absolutely nothing… nothing… nothing… else in da theatres… (smug, evil look on his face)
(confused but ecstatic)
My movie making dream will finally be a reality!
Yeah, so there you have it. The dialogue of the making of that movie about snakes… on a plane. Embarrassing stain on Hollywood? I think maybe. You?